So I was talking to John yesterday about this semester and how I seem to be a lot more stressed when it comes to classes and I think he's right. I do not feel that the classes are necessarily harder, actually I'm cooking a lot less this semester, and I think that is part of the problem. In a way I feel like I get "rusty" by not cooking everyday. With baking it was a completely different ball game. I didn't rely on my senses to tell if something was right, I had a recipe that had to be scaled out down to the ounce. I couldn't say "Ahh that's ABOUT a tablespoon..." So when I get into Advanced Skills on Saturday mornings I feel completely off my game and I think it shows. I know I can cook, but seriously sometimes I feel like I can't crack an egg. There are times where I think "I've been in culinary school for 15 weeks...and I'm preparing to go on an internship. Am I really ready?" I think that's the only downside with the advanced program; I need more time to build the confidence and the skills and that's just not time I have. So now that I am done with Baking and Pastry and have a ton more time on my hands I have a new goal; to cook for John and my family during the week. Honestly I feel I stress out the most when I cook for them. I want everything to work and taste delicious because com'on I'm spending how much money to be in culinary school? And when I cook at home and it doesn't turn out right I feel like it reflects on how I do in school. Like "God she can't cook that? Why are we paying for her to go to school?" And I don't believe that they truly feel that way but I put too much pressure on myself. I really just have to gain the confidence and say "Yes I can cook, I'm still learning and I'm going to make mistakes but hell I bet you can't _________" Get a little cocky with it and HAVE FUN! I feel like I've taken all the fun out of doing what I love. I make something and break it down to the point where I regret even making it and don't want to eat it. I NEVER use to be like that. So yes...my new goal is to cook a lot more at home, practice, and get a little cocky. I'll let you know how it's going =)
P.S. ~ I got a 98% on my Baking and Pastry mystery torte final!!! I kicked that cake's ass!! (Confidence in baking is growing)
3 comments:
wait, wait, wait....cook for john and your family?? i didn't hear the name nikki in there. lol. you best be practicing your skills on me!
Emily, you are amazing and we do not judge you when you cook for us. I'm just happy someone else is cooking for once. Relax around us when you cook because we are your cheering section.
Mom
Amen sister! Some days it feels like all the creativity and soul is gone from cooking - but your right, there is no better place then your own kitchen feeding the people who love you and are hungry too :)
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